Wednesday, April 14th, 2010 at 8:40 am
I like to think that I’ve got most of it together. Even on days when the laundry is backed up, it only takes a couple hours of wash, dry, fold and I’ve got it manageable again. When the kitchen is out of control I call in the troops to do their chores. When things get messy around here, I sweep through like a tornado and get it all picked up.
It’s pretty easy, most days.
There are some days, though, when I’m a mass of tangles. The easy button is burried in a pile of poor-me.
Elizabeth Esther posted something yesterday that really stirred me. And while I’ve never felt exactly what she is describing, I’ve been in a place close enough to it to understand what she is talking about.
And it’s good to know I’m not alone.
There are times when I don’t feel like being a Christian.
[shock and awe]
It gets hard, living this life of freedom in Christ. Using the word free in association with Christianity doesn’t always make sense to me. I feel bound, shackled, and limited by my beliefs. Not all the time, but in those times. Times when my selfishness slides into the drivers seat while I’m preoccupied with soaking an entire bottle of purple honey off the 2 year old.
There are moments in my life when it is just too difficult - always striving to do the right thing, answer well, and react properly.
And I’ll admit to pushing my faith aside before, ignoring it so I didn’t have to deal with my sin.
But I can’t, really. I can turn my back on God only long enough to spin around in a complete circle and come face to face with Him once again.
Turns out God is irresistible to me. I can’t not believe.
In her post Elizabeth Esther quotes Sheldon Vanauken.
“And then I found I could not reject God. I could not. I cannot explain this. One discovers one cannot move a boulder by trying with all one’s strength to do it. I discovered–without any sudden influx of love or faith–that I could not reject Christianity. Why I don’t know. There it was. I could not. That was an end to it.”
Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy
I couldn’t have said it better myself.