A bunch of the kids were playing tag at the park last night and everytime any of the other kids came close to tagging Sam he would holler, You can’t tag me. I’m teleporting.  You can’t see me when I’m teleporting.
And then he would make a swishing sound and run away.

Then, this morning I heard the following after breakfast.

Joe: Sam, where did you get your teleporting device?
Sam: I got it when I was in college.  They just gave it to me.  It’s my driver’s license.

He also informed me this morning that he was 18.  When I asked him to tell me about how that happened he replied, It’s really a funny story.  Funnier than any of Gabe’s stories.  So funny that I can’t even talk about it.

He’s still five years old, I can assure you.  But he’s been to college and has his own teleporting device that he uses as a driver’s license.  Apparently I’m raising geniuses here.

I have always wanted a segway but the truth is I have no idea what on earth I would do with it because I’m not a mall cop. So imagine my excitement when Kait sent me a link to this completely usable, totally justifyable, arguably necessary modified segway.

HELLO.

Do I really need to elaborate on why I’m posting this as one of my must have Christmas gift ideas?

I think I would likely cry tears of astonished joy if I found a segway vacuum cleaner combo under my Christmas tree this year. Or any year. Or any time. I would only need to add a fanny pack to the front with the name GOB on it.
If I have to explain that to you then we probably shouldn’t be friends anymore.

You can’t really buy this yet but I’m sure it will be released soon. Hopefully by Christmas so somebody awesome can buy it for me.

These are my sponges. They’re the kind that go on the top of a soap filled handle. I have regular sponges too, however they declined my request for a quick photo op.

One of the pictured sponges got embarassing so I bought some new ones and tossed the evil sponge into the garbage.

However, if I had a Spongster I wouldn’t have had to throw out that evil sponge because it has a special slot for evil sponges and is labeled evil sponge.

It is supposed to help you know which sponge you use to wipe out your sink (apparently only evil sponges do this?) so you don’t use the wrong sponge for that. It also has a slot that says good sponge for the sponge that cleans your dishes and counters because evidently they aren’t as bacterialized (it’s a word) as your sink is? But I call false on that because any sponge that hasn’t been bleached and/or microwaved is evil in my book.

I used question marks in odd places in that last paragraph on purpose. Also, I lost my point somewhere back there.

Anyway, I need the good sponge, evil sponge rack because I don’t know why. Maybe so I can punish my sponge for being disgusting by putting it on the evil sponge rack. Also, if I had the Spongester I wouldn’t accidentally grab my evil sponge to wipe my mouth out in a panic just after I accidentally eat half a tube of superglue.

First, I just want to tell you that I wrote this post over three separate breaks in my day. I started in the emergency room this morning, then briefly in my living room until chaos broke out this afternoon and now in my very quiet living room because most of my children are in the garage watching a movie on the projector with about 6 of their friends.
I love the projector very much.

I’m writing you all from the emergency room this morning. This isn’t the first time I’ve blogged at you from the e-room before either. I would say that it’s probably not the last time either but I’m not one to invite trouble. On purpose.

Here is a picture of him looking oh-so-wounded while we waited for his x-ray.

You should probably send him some get well cards and a couple of gifts.

Yesterday Gabe got up off the couch and stepped around one of his friend and his foot turned sideways and his whole body fell right on the outside part of it.  I don’t know what that even means but that’s how he is explaining it.  Turns out he sprained it pretty bad and the doctor suspects it to be fractured.  There is an abundant amount of swelling but the pain has now dulled to an annoying ache with occasional sharp spurts of stabbing knives.

Gabe’s to wear this little boot thing on his foot and hobble around on crutches for one week to make sure it stays stable in case of a fracture.  He thought this was cool for about 3 minutes. Apparently the novelty hitched a ride out of here because now he complains that the boot is annoying and the crutches hurt his hands.  I reminded him to be thankful that it is not a cast.

And instead of my planned Best Christmas Gift Ever post, this is my post for today.

Tomorrow we will discuss the wonders of the spongester. Or I’ll it discuss amongst myself. Either way you’ll never look at a dirty sponge the same again.

I came across these stuffed human organs and just knew that I had to make these soft offerings the first must-have Christmas gift post in my series because who wouldn’t love getting a stuffed uterus in their stocking?

Also available
Stuffed spleen
Stuffed bladder
Stuffed pancreas
And more.

There are 11 life-like stuffed guts in all. You can totally make them into a collection.

Uncommon Goods- $18 Uncommon indeed.

P.S. I have not yet received my very own plush uterus so feel free send me one.

P.P.S. I have not been paid to write this, nor am I affiliated with Uncommon Goods. I just really want a stuffed Uterus.