Friends & Family Archives

Growing up in the Charleston, SC area I had a good idea where the more secret beach spots were located. And since my husband loves the idea of getting mauled by a shark, we went often while he was stationed there. 

Okay. So Ryan never actually said he wanted a shark face-to-face. But, he would go way out in the waves.  Way, way out.  And he would body surf in and then go way, way out again.  And he kept doing this.  So, even though he never mentioned sharks per se, the writing was on the wall like graffiti on an overpass in New York City.  It couldn’t be missed.

 I mean, hello??? Have you ever seen Jaws?  Or the Today Show?

Still, even though Ryan never saw his dreams of being shark bit realized, we did have our share of ‘moments’. Most of them had to do with Joe. That was the summer Joe was what you would call a calm, well behaved, hand full of a 3 year old.

Once, just after we arrived to the beach Joe cried out, I have to go potty! And because Joe was only good at going potty in his pants I was very pleased that he was actually telling us he had to go.  But there are no potties at secret beaches so I told him to just wait until we were on the beach and he could go in the water.

Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

We walked out onto the beach and it was actually crowded for the first time ever.  Not Fright Night at the fair crowded, but definitely more crowded than a secret beach should be.  Ryan and I started laying out our blankets and stuff right near one of those little tide pools because that’s where the kids liked to play.

You know that feeling you get when you think somebody is looking at you but you don’t see them looking at you because you’re doing something and the feeling is sort of creepy?  Well, I got that feeling and I looked up to see that while everybody was staring, they weren’t staring at me.  I was relieved.  But that only lasted for about 1.7 seconds because I followed their stares to see what they were looking at.  It was the tide pool.  The part of the tide pool where our sweet little Joe was standing.

And he had his pants down. 

And he was peeing.

In the tide pool.

Where other people’s kids were playing.

People were snickering and I was so completely embarrassed.  Though I have to say that if something like that happened now I’d just roll my eyes and tell him to pull his pants up.
I mean if he was still 3.  But he’s 13 now so if he did that now we’d have other issues to deal with, I think.

It wasn’t long after that the crowd started to clear out.  Maybe it was because we always went in the afternoon, when most people leave the beach.  Or it could have been because my kid wizzed in the water hole.

I guess that’s one way to get a beach all to yourselves.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

One of my older boys has this thing he does when he’s really hot.  He asks me if I can please turn down the heat.

You’d think he was kidding, like it was just his way of saying he is really warm.  But no.  He is actually asking me to please turn down the heat as if I have God in my pocket or something.  And I tell him, Um…  Dude, we live in Florida and it’s, like, 200 degrees outside.  If you’re hot it certainly isn’t because I had anything to do with it.

His usual response: Oh. I’m just really hot and thought maybe you had turned the heat up.

So, the other night at about midnight when he came in and asked me to turn the heat off I replied with the usual and I got his normal response.  I told him, because I was already in bed, to just go flick the air conditioner button to ‘on’ and it would work hard to cool him down in a timely manner.  Just flick it from ‘off’ to ‘on’, I told him. That’s all you need to do.

I know better than to do what I did next. Or more like what I didn’t do next.
I didn’t go behind him to check to make sure he did it right.  But I was already in bed.  And I was tired.  And I thought to myself, how could he mess this up?  Off to on. 

Off.
To.
On.

Easy.
Right? 

I was sleeping fitfully, which isn’t unusual for me.  I was cold, which isn’t unusual either.  I hunkered down under my comforter and tried my darnedest to go back to sleep.  It wasn’t working.  Lucy woke up to eat and she felt cold to me.  And Jesse was unusually fussy – not really waking up, but sleep-fussing. He felt a little cool to me, too.

It felt ridiculous that we were all that cold because one of my children wanted the air on. So I struggled out from under my covers into the icy arctic air that was my house and made my way to the air conditioner controller thingy in the living room.

I flicked it to off.  It didn’t go off.  I gave it a few minutes thinking maybe Mr. air conditioner needed some time to wind down after working so hard, but he just kept pluggin’ away doing his job of making me feel like I was living in an igloo.  I had to make it stop.

I think I actually said out loud, STOP. But that didn’t work either.
It was at this point that I considered that I might be in some weird nightmare where our air conditioner takes on a life of its own and attacks me with coldness until I freeze into a Mom flavored popsicle. 

Yes, I have weird nightmares like that. I wonder what flavor of popsicle I am in this nightmare.

However, usually when I’m dreaming I don’t think that maybe I’m in a dream so that basically squashed the am I having a nightmare question and I took a closer look at the air conditioner controller thingy.  Which, I noticed at this point, had been set at 40 degrees.

Yes. I said 40 degrees.

That’s four. Zero. Degrees.

Fahrenheit.

My son set the air conditioner at 40 degrees.  It doesn’t even go lower than that.  He turned it all the way down.

I thought maybe I wasn’t seeing things right. But I was. I turned it back up hoping to make Mr. Air Conditioner realize that 40 degrees was a mistake and I no longer wanted him to blow his frigid air into my home.
Please, man, for the love of all that is good and right in this world, particularly warmth, take a break already.  
He must have not understood me because he kept it up. Probably speaks chinese.

My nose was starting to go dumb and I was beginning to wonder how long it takes for frostbite to set in.
Not really. I’m just trying to convey to you the magnitude of my coldness.

After rubbing my eyes a lot and contemplating walking out into the garage to turn the air conditioner off at the breaker box I noticed another little switch on the air conditioner controller thingy that was set to ‘on’.  I turned it to ‘auto’.  I didn’t know what this switch was for, however, so I didn’t know what position it should be in for me to achieve my desired results.

Google was there for me. Even at 3am. Google knew.

The air conditioner turned off right about the time Google informed me that I did, in fact, want the switch set to auto. So, I went back to bed. 

Still freezing.

But with hope of warmer times to come.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

I learned something.  Don’t try to take self portraits unless you have a tripod and a timer or remote button or something.  They always turn out looking like you took a picture of yourself and for some reason that just seems weird. I knew this before I tried it. I don’t know why I was so adamant about getting a good one.  I think whole episode gave me a stomach ulcer.

Here I have carefully laid out for you the steps you’ll need to take to get a self portrait using a hand held camera.  However, if you’re me, which I am so I can say this with absolutely certainty, this is definitely going to be a fail.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Step 1.  Hold the camera in such a way that the arm sticking out to hold it can be cut off in photoshop without making the picture look lopsided and dumb. 

Step 2. Hold the camera really still in at the angle you decided on from step 1. This won’t be easy with the kids jumping around you on your bed and little 2 month old kicking her feet furiously into your leg.  Most of your pictures will be blurry.  But reason states that if you take enough of them you’ll get one that’s not too blurry to work with.

Step 3. Delete picture of shoulder.

Step 4. Oh, that one isn’t good at all.  Delete. In fact, delete it really quickly before anybody else has a chance to see it. 

Step 5. Good. Perfect even. But try again to make the exact same face you just made and at the exact same angle but without your hair doing that weird flippy-do thing. Delete.

Step 6.  You never realized you look like a man at a certain angle. Never make that angle again. Delete.

Step 7. Is that a half smile or are you feeling nauseated?  Delete.

Step 8. Open your eyes girl.  You look like you’re drunk. Delete.

Step 9. Not that wide.  Now you look deranged.  Delete.

Step 10. Now you’re trying to hard.  Delete.

Step 11. Snap a whole bunch one right after the other hoping that at least one of them will be good enough to edit to great in photoshop.

Step 12. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete…

Step 13. Take that only picture that was only a little less-than-bad and mess with it in photoshop until you look like a zombie and the light you’re in starts to take on an uncomfortable orange glow. 

Step 14.Undo all that photoshop work you just did.

Step 15. Think up a way to still use it on your blog so you don’t feel like the photography session was a complete waste of time.

Step 16. Go make the kids dinner while you debate whether you’re actually brave enough to post the picture.

Step 17. Go ahead and upload picture but just make it really, really small so hopefully nobody will notice it.

Step 18. Never, never try this again.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

I was trying to get a picture of myself to update my blog profile (fail) and realized that Lucy and I have very few pictures together.  Not since she was first born has a picture been taken of me holding her. Which is funny because there is always a camera out and I hold Lucy more than anybody else does.

So, since our resident photographer is on a fun vacation at Disney with our neighbors who wanted a mommy’s helper for the trip, I got a wild hair and decided to try to get a picture of us together all by myself.

This is about how it went.

Me: Lucy, smile.

Lucy: I’m tired. I don’t want to smile.

Me: It’ll just take a minute.  Just smile for a second.

Lucy: Seriously, mama, I’m tired. I’m not going to smile. You can’t make me.

Me: Just do it for mommy. Please?

Lucy: You’re wasting your time, Lady, and you know it.  Let me go to sleep.

Me: Just smile really quick and then I’ll let you sleep.

Lucy: If you don’t let me go to sleep now I’m going to make my eyes look like ghost eyes in the picture and you’ll be creeped out.

Me: Don’t be dramatic…

Lucy making creepy ghost eyes for the camera and totally creeping me out

this is where I missed

This is me trying too hard.

And Lucy not trying at all.  I made it smaller so I would feel less embarrassed by it.  I don’t know why that would work but it feels like it should.
I would put up the best one of the bunch but there wasn’t one that deserved the word.  They were all less than bla.

Just wait until you see the one I got of just myself.  That post is coming soon. Maybe.
For the record I don’t think taking self portraits with hand held cameras should be legal.  Just sayin’.

I can’t wait to get my photographer back.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

fighting. culbertson style.

Right now my two oldest are fighting over a spoon.

I know I should do something. But they’re 16 and 13 and…  Well…

I’m too tired. 
And nobody is bleeding.  Yet.

Kait is afraid of germs so Joe’s biggest defense is licking her hand.  He knows this.  But she’s wise to it and does her best to position herself away from his face.

Now she’s tormenting him with her words.  Puny little boy can’t take down his girly sister. 
Joe torments her back. You know I haven’t taken a shower in, like, 5 days.

This is how fighting happens in my house.

Don’t get licked.
Use your words.
Winner gets spoon.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

eyes

I know, I know, the washed look has been overdone and is no longer ‘acceptable’.
But I like it.

And I like this.

Besides, I was never very good at being popular anyway.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

lucy in the grass with sunshine

We have this one really green grassy spot in the front yard. 
Spot is the key word here.  And one.

I don’t know how this one spot hung on through the 16 little boys we had running through our yard on a regular basis last fall. But it’s green like Kelly and thick like James Roday’s hair and it’s giving me hope for more green spots in the future.

There are still 16 little boys running around outside all the time, but we’ve managed to put some kind of stay-off-the-grass fear in them.
They still walk in our yard, the word yard used loosly.  But only when they think we’re not looking. 

I wonder if they realize that not being able to follow a simple rule like stay off the grass doesn’t make them look cool or anything.  It’s not like my kids look at them and think, Oooh… You’re so awesome for walking in our grass!
It just makes them look like kids who aren’t smart enough to get it.

I mean, I told Sam not to walk in the front yard.  So he doesn’t. The boy gets it.  And he’s just 3.

I did walk in the front yard though. But it’s my yard and I wanted to lay Lucy in the green grass because I thought it would make a good color background against her pinkness.  Instead it just tickled her funny and she made weird faces – none of which were smiley. I’m not really good at this whole creative photography thing. Kait snapped a ton of pictures for me anyway.  I thought this one was cute enough.

And my yard looks exceptionally beautiful from this angle.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

My boys found this snail just crawling around outside on the front porch.

It’s a  Bulimulidae (Drymaeus).

I don’t know how to say that though. So we’ll just call it a tree snail.  It was big, but these things can actually get to be almost 3 inches long.  They are arboreal, only coming down to deposit their eggs.

Arboreal means they live in trees.  I’m smart today.

When Joe was done studying this guy he returned him to the spot he found him.  Then a neighborhood kid promptly stepped on him and cracked his shell.

It was a complete accident.
The snail didn’t make it.
They stared at it.
And mourned.

For, like, 10 seconds until somebody brought over icy pops.

That’s the world of boys.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

Going through my files and found some pictures of my nieces from Kait’s surprise birthday party my sister and friend put together for her in January.  Thought I’d post them since the girls are seriously gorgeous.

And I miss them.

Sara

Grace

Ally

And #4 is on ?his? way!  I’m so excited about another new baby in the family!

It’s hard not to live right around the corner from my sis and her kids anymore.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)

Um…

Hey, Matthew…
buddy…
whatcha doin’?

I’m being Julian Smith.
You know, Jelly+Fish?
Red eye flashes twice?

Matthew is our family’s own personal Julian Smith-style class clown.  The boy can’t be serious. And I really like him for it.

It’s a good thing we homeschool though. I don’t think his antics would be tollerated all that well in the classroom. There would be lots of notes home to mom, I’m sure.

Digg This
Reddit This
Stumble Now!
Buzz This
Vote on DZone
Share on Facebook
Bookmark this on Delicious
Kick It on DotNetKicks.com
Shout it
Share on LinkedIn
Bookmark this on Technorati
Post on Twitter
Google Buzz (aka. Google Reader)
 Page 21 of 22  « First  ... « 18  19  20  21  22 »