Competing in the Mommy-Olympics
There is something about moms and Amy wrote about us today, about how competitive and judgmental we are, how we unintentionally discourage each other with our little tidbits of advice.
We all know the most about motherhood and it seems that the moms who have 1 to 3 children appear to be the most knowledgeable. I know I knew everything about mommying before I had 4 kids. I had it all down pat and, although I was too non-confrontational to say something to another parent, I had a list of ‘wrong’ parenting practices and I was going to write a book about it someday. Looking back I can see that even though I didn’t feel like I was competing at the time, I was very much a Mommy-Olympian. I played mommy-sports with the best of them and I was very good at it.
Below I have compiled a list of common mommy-sport events. This compilation comes from different Mommy-Olympics around the United States. I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with any of these. Some I think are silly while others I think are valid but still a little silly in the grand scheme of things.
I will also say that the more children you have the less you care about winning any of the below mommy-sports.
- Pacifier Ping Pong. This is where your child is too old for the pacifier but when you throw it away your child gets it back out of the trash when you aren’t looking. This happens over and over again. You loose 15 points if your child still has a pacifier after 18 months. (thumb sucking is a similar sport)
- Milk Old Maid. This is a card game where you win when you get the matching baby latched onto boob cards. If you get the formula cards you not only lose all your mama points but you are ban from the game for life.
- Tooth Rot Rugby. This is where a bottle given to your baby causes a rugby game to go on in his mouth creating possible tooth decay activity. This is why bottles are strictly forbidden – especially at night. If your child’s teeth are made to compete with a bottle you loose 20 points.
- Dress Your Child Disco. This is the sport where you attempt to prove that your child has a hip sense of style using colors and textures that compliment your kid’s hair color, eye color, and skin tone. If your child doesn’t match or has holes or dirt on his clothes you’re going to lose 15 points. If your child is seen out wearing a costume on a regular day you are like a negative loser.
- Sippy Cup Sailing. This is where you sail on by those sippy cups in the kid isle and go right to the child sized plastic open-top cups. If your child is spotted using a cup with a lid that doesn’t leak you are a bad mom and you loose 10 points.
- Potty Training Track. This sport has you racing for the toilet with your toddler held straight out in front of you. If you don’t make it you loose 5 points for pee and 30 points for poo (just cause it’s gross and smells bad). If your child turns three and he is still in diapers you forfeit all your mama points and are tossed out of the game. Loser.
- Woobie Wars. If your child is over the age of 18 months and still drags his security blanket around with him like Linus you lose 5 points. You would lose more but a child with a security blanket is just plain cute.
- Co-Sleeping Softball. You need to have your baby in his own bed as soon as possible. If you can run the bases (check on all your kids at night) without being tagged by the cry of a super cute baby who needs you to take him to your room then you win nothing but if you are tagged by a needy baby then you lose 15 points.
- Baby Shoe Bingo. If you don’t have shoes on your baby by the time you have 5 different people ask you where your baby’s shoes are you lose 10 points. This is a race because you are likely to be asked this 5 times in one day.
Notice how you don’t gain points for doing things the ‘correct’ way. You only loose points for doing them the ‘wrong’ way. Mom-sport moms don’t come up to us and say things like, “I noticed that Johnny knows how to drink from a regular cup. Good job, mama!”
I don’t know how we get mama points to lose. Maybe when we have a baby we automatically get them. I do know, however, that I’m running in the negatives. That’s why I have to go and have another baby. I am hoping to replenish my mama-points.
Isn’t it sad how a lot of moms judge each other this way? I was kind of making fun by turning these judgements into sports but it is serious business for a lot of moms.
I mentioned Amy’s post above. She talked about us moms being more encouraging and less discouraging. I agree that there are times when things just need to be said, we are called by God to instruct and teach, but I am pretty sure that the majority of our mom-sport comments could and should be laid aside. Do we really think that telling another mom that her baby should be off the bottle by now is going to make her stop and think, “Hmm, I have never thought about that. I will toss his bottle in the trash this minute!”
Mamas, that just isn’t likely to happen! What is likely to happen is a overall feeling of tension and discouragement.
I like Amy’s suggestion. Try saying something positive instead. “You are such a patient and sensitive mom. Your baby is blessed to have you!”.
This is called encouragement and is something that many of us fellow moms have missed the mark on.
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