Hello, it is ME, the family Martyr – My BIG Lie
1.One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.
2.One who endures great suffering as a result of an uncontrollable circumstance
3.One who makes a great show of suffering in order to arouse sympathy.
Some friends of mine have decided to get together to do a women’s study on Lies Women Believe. My initial opinion of this book is one of joy! I have so longed to do a book study on homemakers, the falsehoods that we tell ourselves or that others assume about us, and how we can search out the truth of our roles in scripture and use those truths for God’s purpose. I want to be much wiser in the ways of wife-hood and I long to grow into one of those Titus 2 women that my daughter can come to in times of need in her own marriage, someday, not anytime in the near future.
Satan is great at convincing this gullible woman of things that are preposterous, like my jokes are funny, or my dishwasher WILL wash the dishes perfectly clean even if I don’t rinse the chunks of food off first, or that if my hard work around this house is not positively affirmed by my family they must not appreciate me.
Seriously, I have been one to take the martyr’s position in my house on more than one occasion using the excuse that I need affirmation to feel loved and without that affirmation I am doing it all for nothing because all they do is mess it all up again for me to have to start all over.
MY things get broken
MY socks get lost
MY mayo gets used up when all I want is a tasty turkey sandwich
MY time gets wasted
and it is all because nobody cares about ME. You see, for a long time it was all about ME and I took it all out on the people I love the most, bringing them down with me. I would be over dramatic about cleaning, washing dishes, cooking dinner, and about how worn out I was after each grulling day. I was always sick, tired, or just not feeling well. There was always something for me to complain about and I was quick to blame it on being so over worked and unappreciated at home. Life became hard, and there was always some burden weighing me down. I became quick to anger, slow to listen, and hard to be around.
But it was all LIES LIES LIES I tell you, ALL LIES!
They say the truth shall set you free, and in my case, it did in so many ways!
It was so simple.
When I stopped doing it all for ME and whatever rewards I thought I should be receiving from my family, my church, and my friends and started living and doing each thing for God my entire attitude changed. I realized that I didn’t need to be told that I was this awesome wife, super-mom, or church volunteer. When I stopped asking God to make my family please me by acknowledging my hard work and help out a little and started asking God how I can please Him, everything fell into place and my burdens were lifted right then and there.
My eyes were instantly opened. It was like a big, neon, light up sign with the word ‘DUUU‘ came on directly in front of me. Of course my family appreciates me. My children love me. They tell me so all the time. They give me hugs in the morning, draw me pictures, and ask me how I feel. My dear husband comes home to me every night after work and is happy to see me. He may not comment on the cleanliness of the house or the aroma of his favorite dinner in the oven but he doesn’t need to! He shows me his appreciation by taking care of me and our children, loving me, and, if need be, he would lay down his life for me without a second thought. Now, if that isn’t love then what is? How did I ever let myself get so self-centered that I was blinded at how much my family really did need me? Why was their love not enough for me?
Essentially, I learned that when I work for affirmation I am really looking very inward, being selfish, only wanting to do things that benefited myself. When I work for God I feel less selfish, less burdened, much more satisfied with my role as a wife and mother, and motivated to care for my family.
And the funny thing that I have realized is that my days have not really changed. I still have dishes to do. My favorite mugs still get broken, and the mayo does run out on occasion. My husband still leaves his socks on the coffee table and my kids still get sticky globs of jelly all over everything. What has made the difference is my attitude towards it all. Because of God’s grace I GET to be my family’s homemaker. I GET to do things for them. I GET to fish Hot Wheels cars out of the toilet for the umpteenth time and I GET to put all my toddler’s clothes back into his drawers after he emptied them in search of his favorite pajama top. I GET to hug my babies everyday and hear them tell me how beautiful they think I am. I GET to watch my daughter grow into an amazing young lady after God’s heart. And I am BLESSED to be the only woman that my husband wants to grow old with and that he sees fit to make sure there is always an extra jar of mayo in the pantry.
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