how i remained in a good mood at all today is completely beyond me

I am seriously wondering if I’m just in a weird circle of a nightmare where I feel like I’m still on earth but really I’m in another dimension that only resembles earth but really isn’t earth and everybody is out to get me because they can sense that I’m not supposed to be here but I can’t sense it because my brain fizzed while I was going through the warp thingy and any minute my head is going to explode.

I took my kids to the dentist today.  Got there 30 minutes early and hadn’t even finished signing their names to the sign in sheet when robot receptionist came over to discuss something with me.

Her: I have something to discuss with you.

Me: You do?

Her: We can’t see your 7 and 6 year old children here.

Me: But they have appointments.

Her: They have to see a specialist.  She (the dentist) can’t clean their teeth.

Me: But we discussed this when I made the appointment and you made the appointment knowing their ages after I assured you of their behavior.

Her: She doesn’t have the equipment to work on young children’s teeth.

Me: So why did you make the appointment for them then if it was a question of equipment?
And then you called me yesterday to discuss insurance and said nothing of it.

Her: We can’t see them here. 
Then she turned and walked away from the counter.

Me,to the other, lesser robotic receptionist lady who was only listening and didn’t walk away: Yeah. I’m just going to go now and make them appointments elsewhere. I really need them to all be seen at the same place and time for sanity reasons.

I got all my kids up and dressed to go in there and get all their teeth cleaned at once for nothing.  My disorganized brain cannot have 3 different teeth people. That’s just crazy. 

And that isn’t even the end of it. On the way home I realized that I had forgotten to make Kait’s orthodontist appointment so I called them.  Robot answered the phone.

Her: Were you the one just in here? 
Me: Yes Ma’am. 
Her: We can see all your kids. 
And I was really quiet after that statement because I was confused and lost and really thought maybe she was malfunctioning or somebody overloaded her circuits or I was driving through the Bermuda triangle or something.
Then she said, We just can’t see them all at one time. And your 7 and 6 year olds will have to see a specialist because our dentist doesn’t have the equipment to clean young children’s teeth. 
Is there a proper thing to say when you realize you just entered the twilight zone? Because I have thought on this all afternoon and cannot come up with what should have been my reply. At the time all I could think of was to just say okay.  So I said, Okay.

So, we went to the zoo instead.  We committed the unpardonable sin of missing the African elephants last time so we decided to spend an hour on the African safari loop.  We have a membership so I took out my cards and showed them to the gal and she asked for my ID which I didn’t need last time.  So, I told her I’d left it in the car, which wasn’t far away, and was about to send Kait after it when she said, just walk on over to the little booth right there and they’ll verify your membership for you.

So I did.

And apparently I must resemble a toddler or something because the lady there was all like, You forgot your ID? We don’t have to do this verification for you, you know.  You should really remember your ID next time.  Then, when she was done she said again, with more than a little bite to her voice, Next time you’ll need to remember to bring a picture ID with you.

I am not exaggerating here.  She wasn’t even nice about it and it wasn’t like she was busy.  There was nobody else there and she wasn’t doing anything.  I would have seriously rather gone back to the car to get my ID than to listen to her school me on ID remembering.  I’m a member for goodness sakes!  I thought I had privileges, like not being talked to like I’m 3.

But then Kait drew me this with her magical photoshop skilz. To remind me that I’m actually having a really good day.
A really, really good day. 

It’s me.
In case you didn’t see the resemblance.
And I have a pink unicorn thing and pink unicorn things are seriously awesome.

But, how come my arms are twice as long as my legs?

Filed under: Funny • Uncategorized

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