if tomorrow afternoon my face has been burned off you’ll all know why

Kait’s orthodontist is actually a full service tooth fixing dental extravaganza. They have a dentist, orthodontist, and a whole bunch of robot-like assistants who don’t seem to like people much but they’re really cheap, and everything is in one place, and I don’t have to drive very far to get there. That last part about not driving so much sealed the deal for me.

At Kait’s last orthodontist appointment I made a cleaning appointments for my 4 oldest boys. This was almost a disaster as the receptionist came close to burning my face off with her laser stare when I mentioned the need to make appointments for 4 boys.

Receptionist: We can see the 13 and 10 year old but for the 7 and 6 year olds the pediatric dentist is way over there. She laser pointed the direction with her eyes.

Me: why can’t I just get their teeth cleaned here since I already come here for everything else?

I should have known better than to defy a woman with laser vision because the look she gave me at this point made me believe that she was maybe possibly a really angry and powerful cyborg.  Well, I guess we’ll try. But they’ll probably end up being sent over to the pediatric dentist because little kids are awful and do you want me to shoot fire out my eyes at you again?

And then, apparently not having learned my lesson yet, I was like, You must have never heard of my kids before. They’re awesome and most normal people already know about their incredible sitting-still skills. And she was all like annoyed with me and stuff and sort of slammed her papers around. I wasn’t afraid though.  Well, maybe a little. But I didn’t show it.

So after all this was over and I made the appointments and we went home I thought on it and assumed that maybe she was just having a bad day.  People have bad days sometimes. Some people have more bad days than others.  Some people take their bad days out on other people who just want their children to have healthy, clean teeth.  Either that or she was really a cyborg.

Turns out she actually probably was a cyborg.

Cyborg receptionist called me today to ask a question about insurance.  It was definitly the same lady, or at least somebody exactly like her with the same voice that makes my insides scratchy because she sounds like she hates me and I don’t like to feel hated. Maybe all the receptionists there are cyborgs. That’s scary but might explain a lot. And she was definitely still irritated with me. She was throwing lasers through the phone into my ears.  It was uncomfortable. And stingy. 

And now I wonder if maybe I should cancel their appointments and make them at another place that doesn’t employ robotic cyborg people as their receptionists.  But then I’d have to drive, like, way further away. 
And then cyborg receptionist lady will be the winner. And we all know I can’t allow that to happen.

I’ll update you on this tomorrow after the appointments are over. You know, as long as I don’t get my hands burned off by putting them up to protect my face.

Filed under: Funny • Uncategorized

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