Potty training – more than just teaching him where to aim the stream
Like I mentioned, I’m potty training my 19 month old; and although he hasn’t gotten to the point of telling us he has to go, he will hold it until we take him. The key to no accidents is taking him frequently enough. This works for me and is way easier and cheaper than changing diapers.
I did a little Googling for tips on teaching a little guy how to tell you he has to go potty. I didn’t get any information on that, however, my search did come up with a ton of potty training resources, Q&A, and parent comments. While I didn’t find many under 2 potty training parents, I saw a lot of 3 and 4 year old’s parents asking questions, at their wits end, afraid maybe their child will end up wearing diapers to college.
And I made a startling discovery.
Potty training is largely a lesson in obeying mama’s voice.
I would estimate, based on the stories and comments I read this morning, that about 5% of those toddlers are really just having trouble figuring the whole potty training thing out.
15% have sidetracked mamas who just don’t remember to take the trainee consistently (I fall into this category).
But a whopping majority, about 80% of the problems mama’s have with potty training their children stem from underlying disciplinary issues.
“My child just doesn’t want to sit on the potty, and I don’t want to make her”.
“My 3 year old screams when I take her close to the potty”.
“My child takes his diaper off and pees in the corner when he has to go potty”.
“I tried to talk to my 4 year old about the hygienic importance of going in the toilet but he still refuses to go”.
“My child won’t have an accident at preschool but won’t use the potty when we’re at home”.
If a child is refusing to do anything his mother tells him, it is flat out a disciplinary issue.
And let me be clear. Refusing to obey is very different from not understanding what you’re being told. My 19 month old will pee, or at least try to pee, on command – we’ve already passed the ‘learning how to release your pee’ stage. And passed obedience training has already taught him to obey my voice without complaint. However, he won’t tell me he has to go because he doesn’t understand that process yet.
Not too many generations ago the average child was completely potty trained before the age of 2 1/2. Now, it unusual to have a child out of diapers before that age. While diaper companies and psycobabblists do harbour some of the blame for the increase in diaper clad 3 year olds; I still hold to my assessment, wholly based on comments from other mothers, that most children just need proper discipline.
They need to learn to obey mama’s voice.
If I say, “Jesse, it’s time to go potty; come on.”, I fully expect him to head with me cheerfully to the bathroom. If he fusses, whines, or shows me any defiance at all that is disobedience.
What moms are saying just startled me, is all. I wonder how much easier it would be for the child if mama was consistent, said what she meant, and followed through with what she said 100% of the time (even 90% will do for most children, but 100% should be our goal).
Instead we confuse them. We tell them to mind or [insert punishment here] but then do nothing about it when they disobey. Then, the next day we tell them to mind and then punish them when they don’t obey us.
How will they ever trust us when we aren’t trustworthy? How will they ever discern what rules have to be followed and what rules don’t?
And our err in this area is spilling over into every aspect of our children’s lives; into things as fundamental as learning proper toilet practices.
Ladies – Motherhood isn’t this fly by the seat of our pants, do whatever we feel like in the moment operation.
I’m just sayin’.
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I love this post!
Thank you for sharing.
I think that you have shared some sheer wisdom here and I appreciate it so much. =)
Jessica -
So glad you liked the post. Saw that you’re really close to having that new babe – I bet you can’t wait!
Yep, so close! I wish the baby would come tonight! I am so at that point in the pregnancy where I just am ready to have the little stinker on the outside of me (where there’s more room) instead of on the inside of me (where there is…eh, less room).
When is your projected due date, missy? =) I know YOU are excited!
I’m due in February and I already feel like I’ve been pregnant forever.
Wait, I have been pregnant forever!
Anyway, I pray you’ll have a much easier delivery this go-round. Keep us updated!
Normally I agree with everything you write.
This isn’t one of those times.
I do expect my kids to do what they are told by mom or dad (or the trusted adult in charge). However, I want them to be in charge of their bodily functions. Forcing potty training before they are ready or willing won’t do any good, it will linger on longer than needed, and the child takes longer to recognize when they actually have to go rather than just going cuz mom says so.
We tried potty training my son when he was just about 2. He was miserable and would cry, and we would get frustrated, and no one was happy – at all. It wasn’t a will thing, it was beyond what he was capable of doing at that age (his other reactions to commands in life were not like this: he would pick up toys when told, come when called, eat at dinner and eat what was served, etc.). When HE was ready to use the potty – he was completely trained in about a week. No hassle, no tears, just 100% potty trained.
We did the same thing with his little sister, minus the forced try on our part. She (being a girl) was ready earlier – closer to 2.5 as compared to his 3 years – and she was done in about 2.5 weeks (she was urine trained quickly – she was afraid of defecating until she accidentally did it and then it was smooth sailing). That was before she began her defiant phase as well.
Gen -
You must have overlooked the part where I said “Refusing to obey is very different from not understanding what you’re being told.” Although I would also argue that a tantrum is a tantrum, no matter the cause.
In the post, I’m talking specifically about the 3 and 4 year old kids. Many parents have unknowingly taught their children that bodily functions are a way for them to easily control things. This is why many children are fully trained at preschool but at home have to wear pull-ups.
And I’m not talking about the actual act of going. If mama says “sit here” the child should sit. If mama says, “try to pee”, a child who understands that process should try to pee. No fussing, no whining, no defiance. This one thing would clear up so many frustrating issues many mamas face when trying to teach their children where to “go”.
You’re right – I did miss that part. I’m sorry!
It’s all right. I tend to do that too, when I’m skimming articles quickly. Especially when it’s something I disagree with.