gingerbread house rating: 0.3. we named it jericho for obvious reasons. Also, notice how none of the kids are smiling.
I had this wonderful idea, as I do sometimes, that my older children would enjoy putting together a gingerbread house with their younger siblings. Apparently my older kids are much smarter than me, however, and immediately ran screaming from the room when I pulled the kit out of the cupboard.
But the younger children were jumping up and down with magical ideas of a giant house they could munch upon while they played in it and so I melted because they’re really cute.
Also, I was tired of them asking me when we could build the gingerbread house. It was making me crazy.
So we started the process of by following the directions exactly and mixing 5 TBS of water with the bag of icing mix, which produced a white rock-paste that had a consistency like that of rock-hard, red clay that isn’t really usable for anything. We had to add water. Then powdered sugar. Then more water. Then more powdered sugar.
Finally we got it close to being something we could work with.
And things got interesting.
We very clumsily put the walls on, which only took, like, 13 times. And when we finally got the right pieces in the right places and it was staying together somewhat my 4 year old commented that he really didn’t think this house was going to be big enough to play in. My 6 year old, with his brows pulled together, agreed that this cookie house was much smaller than he had thought it would be.
Finally we got it all together and the boys got to work eating all the candy they were supposed to be putting on the house.
And I realized that this was probably the dumbest idea I have ever had because bags of sugary candy in small hands is PURE CHAOS and the walls of Jericho came tumbling down.
After a rescue mission of acrobatic proportions I held it together for 10 minutes while the icing dried, because I’m a hero, just to have them admire the house for about 8 seconds and then ask to eat it, to which I replied, Didn’t you see what I went through to secure these walls together? Didn’t you witness me holding the roof up with my bare hands?
No. We will be keeping this gingerbread house FOREVER.
And so now it is cluttering my kitchen counter and I’m wondering how long I have to keep it because I really just want it gone.
Also, I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t have a serious brain injury I could have avoided this all together.
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