Wife-ing – setting the tone of your home
We watched a movie the other night called “Flywheel”. It was a low budget movie but a great story written, directed, and produced by a Georgia church (the makers of “Facing The Giants” first film). The main character had a dishonest, greedy streak a mile wide. His wife, a Christian woman who wanted her husband to come to repentance, was difficult. She had a holier than thou attitude, put her husband down in front of their child, belittled him, and generally did the typical ‘you need to be a better husband and father’ thing.
The one thing that upset me about this was that the wife was not a very encouraging woman, not the Christian wife her husband needed, and this was not brought to light at all. It was portrayed as okay, even righteous, that she hounded her husband until he didn’t want to be at home then chastised him for not being home more. I am not excusing her husband’s behavior, just pointing out that hers was less than admirable.
He was stressed to the max at work and came home to a home that was more like a pit instead of a haven. His wife, in her self righteousness, actually expected her husband to want to be in an environment that was unkind, judgemental, and tension filled. She also expected her negative attitude to change him.
Had his wife provided a place for her husband where he could come home, talk to her and get encouragement instead of judgement, a haven where he felt welcomed instead of a house that felt like a war zone, she would have been able to better provide the positive environment he needed to encourage his change.
I wonder if wives today understand that when we treat our husbands like children we should expect them to act childish. When we call them idiots we need to expect idiotic things from them. And when we call them our leaders we will get more leadership from them.
Oh the power a wife has – many of us just don’t know how to use it.
I have written before about the attitude of a wife setting the tone for a home and it is so true. A wife with a bad attitude will find that attitude growing within the walls of her home. A wife with a pleasant, servant’s attitude will find more peace and joy in her job that will spill over and create a joyful haven.
Maybe she won’t see a change immediately. Maybe she will struggle to maintain patience. But, when a woman gives herself and her duties to God and stops expecting those around her to live up to her standards she will feel a difference. In her attitude first, which will create a new happiness in her own heart, then, over time she will notice a difference in those around her.
Some key points here to help make this happen:
- Don’t belittle your husband. Sure, he may need to make some changes, who doesn’t, but you weren’t given as his wife to force him to change. Be encouraging instead of discouraging and your effect on him will be more positive.
- When you feel like complaining about something try smiling and giving him a kiss instead. Everybody needs a sounding board but don’t whine so much that your husband feels like your personal complaint department. Negative people are not all that pleasant to be around.
- Don’t be frumpy. Taking care of yourself will not only cause your husband to look your way more but it will also show your kids that mama finds herself worthy of care and they will view you differently, too.
- Ask your husband in a sincere fashion what he would like to walk in to when he comes home from work. Then, do your best to make those things important to you, too.
- A nagging person will drive everybody away. Do you like to be around people who constantly bug you to get something done or do something differently? Neither does your husband. For a home to be a haven the nagging needs to cease.
- Instead of nagging, view the socks he left on the counter or the wet towel he left on the floor as things you can take responsibility for to be a help to your husband. Changing your attitude in this area can turn an irritation into a way to serve him better.
- Get your kids in line when your husband is at work so that when he comes home he feels more able to just be a daddy and enjoy his kids. Yes, there are issues that he is better equipped to take care of but if all the minor training issues are taken care of while he is gone he shoulders will feel so much lighter when he walks in the door.
- Does your husband come home and go straight for the video games? Instead of showing irritation over this ask him if he would like a drink and a snack. You want him to see the desire you have to serve him.
Seems like a lot, I know. It is easy to fall into the mind set of “Well, what is he going to do for me while I am figuring out how to serve him better?”
That isn’t a wife’s concern. Her job isn’t to school him on his. A wife’s job is to be her husband’s help meet and do it to the best of her ability whether she feels he deserves or doesn’t deserve it. She is to hold his hand, not drag him by the wrist. The only way to help him develop leadership skills is to treat him like a leader – with respect, honor, and devotion.
…Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not
obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their
1 Peter 3:1
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